Acceptance: why it’s important
Acceptance is a crucial part of keeping relationships healthy. Acceptance means partners value each other’s differences. They can agree to disagree. And they can pursue personal needs in a way that keeps the health of the overall relationship in mind. Not only in the early days – when differences are part of the attraction – but throughout the life of a relationship.
It’s easy to lose sight of your relationship when all of your energy is directed towards children. When there’s stress or unhappiness in a relationship, it becomes even harder to work together and share parenting tasks.
Acceptance makes it easier to appreciate the positives and resolve differences, leading you back to greater intimacy and goodwill. So acceptance is an attitude that can reduce the stress and challenges of working together to raise children.
Acceptance can profoundly improve your partner’s readiness to listen and accept your perspective. It can even open the doors to change. People who feel accepted are more willing to listen and take suggestions on board.
All of this means acceptance creates a healthier, happier and more positive environment for the whole family.
Tips for strengthening acceptance
| Ideas |
Things to do |
| Spend time on your relationship with your partner. |
- Spend time on shared interests.
- Show your interest by asking about your partner’s activities and joining in when invited.
- Think of some things you could do to show your partner your love and appreciation.
- Be polite.
- Think of activities you did together when you first met. Consider what you liked and how you might do those activities together again.
- Talk with your partner about happy times you’ve had together.
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| Focus on what you can do to solve problems. |
- Decide what you want to happen.
- Invite your partner to help solve the problem, without pushing or blaming. Identify ways you can solve the problem, even if your partner doesn’t participate.
- Get help from others if you need to.
- Focus on what outcome you’d like, rather than on what your partner should or shouldn’t have done.
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| Take responsibility for what you want. |
- Try to identify what’s important to you in your life – for example, communicating with others, affection, fun, safety, financial security, time together as a family and so on.
- Think about how you can meet those needs, including seeking help from your partner, friends, family, support groups and professionals.
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| Be generous with your understanding. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. |
- It can be difficult to explain what you want and how you feel to someone else – others also find it difficult. Sometimes the words come out wrong!
- Encourage your partner to open up by asking open-ended questions, and not interrupting.
- Look for and acknowledge your partner’s positive intentions – for example, ‘I know that you’re working long hours because you want to take care of us’.
- Ask your partner to explain or give more information if you don’t understand what’s being said.
- Listen, without defending your own position or behaviour.
- Acknowledge your partner’s point of view even if you don’t agree. For example, ‘I can understand why you’re angry that I asked my parents over for the weekend without talking to you first’.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions, blaming or criticising your partner.
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| Look after yourself. |
- Set time aside each day or week to do something you enjoy. For example, have a bath, play netball, read a book, watch TV and so on.
- Pursue your own work or creative interests. For example, do an adult short course, go for a promotion and so on.
- Look after your physical health, have regular check-ups with your doctor, and eat well and regularly.
- Make a deal with a friend to care for each other’s children so that you can have a break or go on a date with your partner.
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Getting help
Acceptance is not about tolerating harmful behaviour. If you’re in a relationship that involves violence, seek support, and do whatever is necessary to ensure the safety of you and your children.
